P.J. O'Rourke

When Adam Smith was being incomprehensible, he didn't have the luxury of brief, snappy technical terms as a shorthand for incoherence.

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

Earnestness is just stupidity sent to college.

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailing-boat equipment, the gin and tonic.

The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids.

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof.

I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners— two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.

Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.