Quotes about humor

I do not think I have any uncharitable prejudice against the rattle-snake, still, I should not like to be one. If I were a rattle-snake now, there would be no such thing as being genial with men — men would be afraid of me, and then I should be a very lonesome and miserable rattle-snake.

It is very queer that the unhappiness of the world is often brought on by small men. They are so much more energetic and uncompromising than the big fellows.

Tjaden reappears. He is still quite excited and again joins the conversation, wondering just how a war gets started.

"Mostly by one country badly offending another," answers Albert with a slight air of superiority.

Then Tjaden pretends to be obtuse. "A country? I don't follow. A mountain in Germany cannot offend a mountain in France. Or a river, or a wood, or a field of wheat."

"Are you really as stupid as that, or are you just pulling my leg?" growls Kropp. "I don't mean that at all. One people offends the other—"

"Then I haven't any business here at all," replies Tjaden, "I don't feel myself offended."

"Well, let me tell you," says Albert sourly, "it doesn't apply to tramps like you."

"Then I can be going home right away," retorts Tjaden, and we all laugh.

"As long as bars continue to serve pickled eggs," he said, licking his fingers, "there is reason to hope."

During the first weeks of July, my life settled into a pattern, which is how one knows that it is July.

I walked a long way that night, thinking many philosophic thoughts which, fortunately, I don’t remember.

There are honest people in the world, but only because the devil considers their asking prices ridiculous.

I’m sure I’ll go to heaven. I’ve been dull enough.

Walking by yourself in the rain is for college kids who think loneliness makes poets.

"Space and Time! Two minor omissions that no one is likely to notice."

It’s like marriage. The race there is between total knowledge of each other and death. If death comes first, it’s considered a successful marriage.

If I sound petty and malicious, it’s because I am.