Quotes about humor

I am not successful and I probably never will be. I look around and I see successful people, and I see that they have something I don't—success. Perhaps they were born that way, or perhaps they figured something out that I can never seem to learn. I don't know. That's why I'm not successful.

Many people talk as if they have all the answers, whereas I know I don't. That's probably why no one listens to me.

It is better to curse the darkness than to light a candle, because, first of all, how much light is one candle going to shed anyway? And secondly, what is there to see that is so important? Whereas cursing is always satisfying. The next time I find myself in the dark, I will curse heartily.

When I am tired, it is easy to believe that my exhaustion is the reason I am depressed and lonely and uninspired. But when I am well-rested [sic], I can realize that these negative feelings are not a result of too little sleep. They are a result of my being a miserable, hopeless, misanthropic wretch.

Today, I should think of something about myself that really annoys me, and I should try to change it. Then, when I fail to change it, I can be annoyed by that as well. Then, I can be annoyed about how easily I get annoyed. Then I can get angry.

He was the epitome of acting out to get attention. I think everyone acknowledged his jokes as a kind of defense mechanism. ('Humor? That's my lizard tail. You can look at that while I run away,' he'd once said.)

I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world.

My experience of ships is that on them one makes an interesting discovery about the world. One finds one can do without it completely.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work.

I've often thought that my scruples about stealing books were the only thing that stood in the way of my being a really great scholar.

"We got a course in picknicking at the university," said Dr. Bourbon. "It's called Geology, but it's really picknicking."

Love is the grandest thing on God's earth, but fortunate the lover who has plenty of money.