Quotes about humor

I'm on the plane, we left late, and the pilot says, "We're going to be making up some time in the air." I thought, "Isn't that interesting. They just make up time." That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now my question is, if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? "Come on, there're no cops up here! Nail it! Give it some gas!"

The only way to the top is killing and greed. Okay, I’m kidding. But killing helps.

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.

Relegating grizzlies to Alaska is about like relegating happiness heaven; one may never get there.

Acts of creation are ordinarily reserved for gods and poets, but humbler folk may circumvent this restriction if they know how. To plant a pine, for example, one need be neither god nor poet; one need only own a shovel. By virtue of this curious loophole in the rules, any clodhopper may say: Let there be a tree—and there will be one.

My dog, by the way, thinks I have much to learn about partridges, and, being a professional naturalist, I agree.

Sometimes economists in official positions give bad advice; sometimes they give very, very bad advice; and sometimes they work at the OECD.

Why is war so much like a practical joke? she thinks. Hiding behind bushes, leaping out, with not much difference between Boo! and Bang! except the blood.

“Life is warped. I'm just in sync.”

“Gender roles suck," says Swift Fox. Then you should stop playing them, thinks Toby.

“It's better to hope than mope!”

"One loses everything when one loses one's sense of humor."