Nigel Cumberland

Refusing to forgive never made anyone feel better about anything. All you are doing is holding on to feelings of upset, anger and jealousy and that can never be good. I once read that being angry and unforgiving towards someone else is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Saying ‘yes’ to major life decisions when inside you are crying out to say ‘no’ is more serious. Doing the opposite of what you feel is right can destroy your chances of achieving your dreams and goals. I have coached too many people who regret going with the flow on major life decisions and now need help living with the consequences.

OK, so saying ‘yes’ is great – but saying ‘yes’ where you mean ‘no’ will never be a winner for you.

Stop trying to be a Jack-of-all-trades and be a master of one thing. Whether it’s writing an email, kicking a ball around with your kids, driving through the city or simply being alone and meditating. For those ten minutes you’re doing something – or for whatever period of time it takes – do it with 100-per-cent focus.

The secret to your success lies in surrounding yourself with sustainable love, and that starts with loving yourself. This is your hardest challenge. Through hundreds of hours spent coaching I have observed a common pattern – we can easily express our love for other people, possessions or experiences but find it difficult to say we love ourselves.

The choice is yours. As much as you might want to be loved and thanked, you can’t please everyone in your life all the time without causing one person to suffer – you.

Love is either a wonderful thing or a psychological disorder depending on your perspective. One thing is clear: successful people are powered by love as a positive force.

Stop worrying about what you cannot control. It’s a total waste of your energy, energy that could otherwise be used to help you focus on what you can influence. I spend large parts of my coaching sessions helping people to sift through their challenges and concerns – helping them to determine what they can change and what they have no control over.

Real success is about helping other people succeed. To be well educated in a society of increasing illiteracy is not real success; neither is to be well fed and healthy while millions die of malnutrition.

Working yourself into the ground serves no one. It only decreases your chances of living a long and healthy life. Do you really want to sacrifice your health and long life for a big house, fancy car and hefty bank account?

There may be moments in your life when you have to choose between ‘being liked’ and what you really want to do. Imagine your future spouse is a vegan and does not enjoy being with people who eat meat. Could you imagine putting aside your beliefs and feelings, to show support, love and understanding for your partner’s?

Sometimes planning a major change or U-turn in life can leave you with feelings of guilt; a sense that you have failed somehow or been forced to start over. Do not feel guilty or embarrassed. Reinventing yourself is an essential process if you want to grow and flourish.