Quotes about humor

The policy was to keep everything in watertight compartments. In the interests of security, they said, but more likely in the interests of inefficiency.

Before anyone starts criticising, let me say that I know it’s a preposterous idea and I wouldn’t suggest it for a moment if the alternative weren’t even more outrageously preposterous.

“Not everyone views the government with quite the same disrespect that you do.”

“No, more’s the pity.”

When I was five, I am told, and asked what my favorite things in the world were, I answered, “smoked salmon and Bach.” (Now, sixty years later, my answer would be the same.)

Hydrogen selenide, I decided, was perhaps the worst smell in the world. But hydrogen telluride came close, was also a smell from hell. An up-to-date hell, I decided, would have not just rivers of fiery brimstone, but lakes of boiling selenium and tellurium, too.

"Then one can't make a living out of poetry?"

"Certainly not. What fool expects to? Out of rhyming, yes."

He had so accustomed himself to wield the constitutional cat-of-nine-tails, that heaven will hardly be happy to him unless he be allowed to flog the cherubim.

Speeches easy to young speakers are generally very difficult to old listeners.

You Ministers go on shuffling the old cards till they are so worn out and dirty that one can hardly tell the pips on them.

"Aid from heaven you may have," he said, "by saying your prayers; and I don't doubt you ask for this and all other things generally. But an angel won't come to tell you who ought to be Chancellor of the Exchequer."

One of her instructors in fashion had given her to understand that curls were not the thing. "They'll always pass muster," Miss Dunstable had replied, "when they are done up with bank notes."

Don't let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine.