Quotes about humor

A problem shared is a problem doubled.

In any broth, the scum always rises to the top.

Some people are born ugly. It's not their fault, and I for one have never held it against a man that he is ugly. but others — and I count myself among them — are born with handsome features. That's a gift that should not be lightly taken away.

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.

My people didn’t use mysterious powers to track you; we used deduction. Much more reliable.

I’d come down sick. (I had. It was called adolescence, an evil, evil disease.)

Funny thing, employment. If you keep doing it, you keep getting paid.

I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it.

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?

I confess some part of me thought, If only I'd stuck around, this is the sort of catastrophe I might have created.

Yet another hedge fund manager explained Icelandic banking to me this way: you have a dog, and I have a cat. We agree that each is worth a billion dollars. You sell me the dog for a billion, and I sell you the cat for a billion. Now we are no longer pet owners but Icelandic banks, with a billion dollars in new assets.