The Moaning of Life

Quotes

1. My brain's just full of passwords

2. 

   I'm really happy, I just don't choose to show it.

3. 

   People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.

4. 

   I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes.

5. 

   If there's one thing we haven't cracked yet in human civilsation, we've never been able to make a good wig. I wouldn't want a wig on me.

6. 

   It was good to know that if everything did go tits up, there's someone else in the world who would put up with me

7. 

   12 hours on a plane, over 5,000 miles. All this way you've got me licking fish.

8. 

   This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it

9. 

   Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else?

10. 

    What do dogs do? Sniff each other's arse. They don't knock about going "Let's try a chatup line."

11. 

    I'm surprised that I won the race to the egg. I'm not a good swimmer. If I was back in there now I'd go forget it, let them lot go first.

12. 

    I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it.

13. 

    I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something.

14. 

    "I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed.

15. 

    Get married, get on with it, email us the pictures, we're happy to have a look.

16. 

    If you had 5 photos of anuses, I could not point mine out

That’s all the quotes.

16 quotes in the collection · come back when we add more