Quotes
There are only two mantras... yum and yuk. Mine is yum.
"I'll follow him to the ends of the earth," she sobbed. Yes, darling. But the earth doesn't have any ends. Columbus fixed that.
There are two kinds of people in this world : those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.
That you will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.
People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.
Russian ladies, for the most part, cherish only Platonic love, without mingling any thought of matrimony with it; and Platonic love is exceedingly embarrassing.
I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright? There's none left! We have to wait 'til you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle.
I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!
God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!"
Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm, that's it okay? You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep you get up in the morning and go to fucking work okay? That is it, end of fucking list!
We didn't have rehab back in the Seventies. Back in the Seventies, rehab meant you stopped doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks.
"I'm just not happy, I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey, join the fucking club! I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Sox. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet! Alright?
