Quotes about humor

It was a good plan, and like all plans since the dawn of time, this would fail to survive contact with real life.

“The scope of your ignorance, Peter,” said Seawoll, “is truly frightening.”

“Is that your professional opinion?”

“Yes.”

“Which as usual,” said Seawoll, “is as about as useful as a chocolate teapot.”

Questions would be asked. Answers would be ignored.

She had the startled rabbit look that civilians get after five minutes of helping the police with their inquiries. If they stay calm for too long it’s a sign that they’re professional villains or foreign or just plain stupid. All of which can get you locked up if you’re not careful. If you find yourself talking to the police, my advice is to stay calm but look guilty; it’s your safest bet.

“Cyrus was a musician?” I asked.

“He played the alto sax.”

“And he played jazz?”

Another brief smile. “Is there any other kind of music?”

Nobody likes a riot except looters and journalists.

“Have you ever been to London?” I asked.

“No,” said Ash. “I’ve never even been in town before. Our dad doesn’t hold with that sort of thing.”

“Don’t worry, it’s basically just like the country,” I said. “Only with more people.”

Apparently he was a bit of a connoisseur, having been introduced to Verdi soon after having risen to the rank of commander. A sudden attack of culture snobbery is a common affliction among policemen of a certain rank and age; it’s like a normal midlife crisis, only with more chandeliers and foreign languages.

“You shouldn’t make jokes about these things,” she said. “Science doesn’t have all the answers, you know.”

“It’s got all the best questions, though.”

There we continued the time-honored tradition of brazenly lying through our teeth while telling nothing but the truth.

It’s a sad fact of modern life that if you drive long enough, sooner or later you must leave London behind.