Nedra Glover Tawwab

You aren't what happened to you.

We simply can’t have a healthy relationship with another person without communicating what’s acceptable and unacceptable to us.

understanding breeds grace.

Discomfort is a part of the process.

It may be hard to just listen without offering advice as people share their problems, but this is often the best support we can give.

Avoidance is a passive-aggressive way of expressing that you are tired of showing up. Hoping the problem will go away feels like the safest option, but avoidance is a fear-based response. Avoiding a discussion of our expectations doesn’t prevent conflict. It prolongs the inevitable task of setting boundaries.

We don't naturally fall into perfect relationship; we create them

People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.

It’s okay for a small child to set limits like not eating meat or feeling uncomfortable around certain people. Parents who respect those boundaries make space for their children to feel safe and loved, and they reinforce the positive habit of articulating needs. When parents ignore these preferences, children feel lonely, neglected, and like their needs don’t matter—and they will likely struggle with boundaries as adults.

Resilience is the ability to embrace what happened.

Remember: there is no such thing as guilt-free boundary setting. If you want to minimize (not eliminate) guilt, change the way you think about the process. Stop thinking about boundaries as mean or wrong; start to believe that they’re a nonnegotiable part of healthy relationships, as well as a self-care and wellness practice.

What you're searching for in others lies within you.