Kingsley Amis

'Oh, I see,' said Jenny. 'But you're just getting these men [New Age gurus] to help you all feel better. I thought when you talked about helping people you meant other people. You know, like the blind.'

'Isn't everybody blind, in one way or another?' asked Wendy.

It had even occurred to him that sticking firmly to one girl could be unethically used to obtain exemption from the sometimes gruelling task of promiscuity.

'Shitty things are always simple. Same as great things. Patrick Standish, in conversation.'

Nothing divided people more deeply than how they felt about cats.

[W]hat's the point of growing a beard if you're not going to be a little bit free and easy?

That stuff you read didn't condition you, you chose it because it was what you wanted to hear.

'What's that stuff they put in ships to keep them from going all over the place?'

'What? Oh … ballast?'

'That's right. People's sex drives are like ballast, they keep them steady. It sounds wrong, but they do.'

The rewards for being sane are not very many but knowing what's funny is one of them.

While he was climbing the litter-strewn steps his left ball gave a sharp twinge, on and off like a light-switch, then again after he had sat down. Nothing. Just one of the aches and pains that come and go. No significance.

Internally, in itself, madness is an artistic desert. Nothing of any general interest can be said about it. Like sex. But the effects it has on the world outside it can be very interesting indeed. It has no other valid literary use.

It’s quite a problem for retired people, I do see. All of a sudden the evening starts starting after breakfast. All those hours with nothing to stay sober for. Or nothing to naturally stay sober during, if you see what I…We used to laugh at Malcolm’s dad, the way he used to mark up the wireless programs in Radio Times in different-coloured pencils. Never caught him listening to any of them but it was an hour taken care of.

There isn't another other sex.