Quotes
“Well, isn’t that what fathers do?” He had no idea what fathers did. “Love you, even if you don’t love them? Miss you when you go away?”
p. 19
The reality is, we don’t want our kids to be smart. We want them to be like us. Only more so.
p. 37
The world is divided between kids who grow up wanting to be their parents and those like us, who grow up wanting to be anything but. Neither group ever succeeds.
“Your son was in your own tradition.”
“Better, I hope,” said the old man. “There would be little sense to existence, did boys have no chance to be more than their fathers.”
p. 150
How could you change a boy’s bedding every week and feed him breakfast and drive him to the orthodontist and not know him at all?
During what years should a child be introduced to better ways of giving and receiving criticisms – to what I call “relationship language”? Before school age. The best teacher? Parents.
p. 36
"No. I've always known just who you are. Ever since the first time I saw you getting off the ship from Idris, when you were ten years old-you walked into my heart, just as my own children did when they were born."
Every boy knows he is immortal, but his parents, they are not so sure.
p. 45
At times, you may also have to allow them to suffer. Suffering may come to them out of the blue or it may come as the consequence of their own mistakes. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could spare them from all suffering? No... They would not evolve as human beings and would remain shallow, identified with the external form of things.
If you have young children, give them help, guidance, and protection to the best f your ability, but even more important, give them space – space to be. They come into this world through you, but they are not “yours.” The belief “I know what's best for you” may be true when they are very young, but the older they get, the less true it becomes.
Eventually, they (children) will make mistakes, and they will experience some form of suffering, as all humans do. In fact, they may be mistakes only from your perspective. What to you is a mistake may be exactly what your children need to do or experience.
Parents then cannot let go of being a parent even when the child grows into an adult. They can't let go of the need to be needed by their child. Even when the adult child is forty years old, parents can't let go of the notion I know what's best for you.” The role of parent is still being played compulsively, and so there is no authentic relationship. p.61
