Quotes about humor

Should a person on returning from the city discover his house to be in flames, let him examine well the change which he has received from the chair-carrier before it is too late; for evil never travels alone.

Although there exist many thousand subjects for elegant conversation, there are persons who cannot meet a cripple without talking about feet.

Before hastening to secure a possible reward of five taels by dragging an unobservant person away from a falling building, examine well his features lest you find, when too late, that it is one to whom you are indebted for double that amount.

Alas! It is well written, "The road to eminence lies through the cheap and exceedingly uninviting eating-houses."

When struck by a thunderbolt it is unnecessary to consult the Book of Dates as to the precise meaning of the omen.

Dave was committed to making it a truly memorable weekend in the sense that he would remember nothing whatsoever about it. “It’s all about moderation,” he said, “Everything in moderation. Even moderation itself. From this it follows that you must from time to time, have excess. And this is going to be one of those occasions.” (p. 152).

"This phone will connect you to people everywhere, except for where you are, and sever you from God forever. Apple."

I've always felt that copious use of the word 'something' allows anyone to solve any problem, even insoluble ones.

Apparently I am what is known as an Unreliable Narrator, though of course if you believe everything you’re told you deserve whatever you get.

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I know. I was seeing your sarcasm and raising you deadpan literalness.”

“Want to bet on it?”

“Thank you, no. I believe gambling to be a pastime for the weak-minded.”

“She seems very sincere,” Asura told Pieter.

“A word with oddly positive connotations,” Peter said, nodding. “In my experience those who are most sincere are also the most morally suspect, as well as being incapable of producing or appreciating wit.”