Quotes about humor

Alec, to be able to read and write is as wonderful as sex. Or almost.

Oh, come! I don’t want your soul. There’s no market for souls today; there are far too many of them and the quality is way down. I can pick them up at a nickel a bunch, like radishes. But I don’t; I’m overstocked.

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn’t there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything. Oh, my church, too—but at least mine is honestly pantheistic. Anyone who can worship a trinity and insist that his religion is a monotheism can believe anything—just give him time to rationalize it. Forgive me for being blunt.

“With patience and plenty of saliva the elephant deflowered the mosquito.”

Hell isn’t very organized. It’s an anarchy except for a touch of absolute monarchy on some points.

Never marry a woman who prays too much.

A miracle that takes place again and again and again is no longer a miracle; it’s just a nuisance.

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

...American society, literary or lay, tends to be humorless. What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke?

In fact, the French - who read and theorise the most - became so addicted to political experiment that in the two centuries since our own rather drab revolution they have exuberantly produced one Directory, one Consulate, two empires, three restorations of the monarchy, and five republics. That's what happens when you take writing too seriously.

I am at heart a propagandist, a tremendous hater, a tiresome nag, complacently positive that there is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

Books always cost more in those cities where they are least read!