Misspent Youth

Annabelle was a damn fine notch on your bedpost.

One of the reasons she’d never quite made it to supermodel status was her generous bust size.

Even Sue was impressed by how quickly he slid from reasonable human being to petulant teenage grouch.

Well, just remember, babies are God’s way of persuading parents to have teenagers.

Your generation, always want the capital letters, never the subtext. You don’t learn to read properly, that’s the trouble. And don’t start telling me you’ve accessed books. I’m talking about the real thing, good solid paper that you can hold in your hand, and bend the page corners the way you’re not supposed to.

It was the sort of review board that Jeff thoroughly disapproved of; hands-on bureaucratic interference in university and agency programs always lead to pure science being impoverished.

Jeff didn’t blame Dr. Sperber, but he’d been around long enough to know how the information would be used, twisted, sanitized, controlled, released in a way that left Brussels devoid of responsibility. That was the way of all government and politicians; it was never their fault.

“I look young, almost as young as you lot; but the real difference between us is cynicism. You don’t have any, while I’ve got a ton of it.”

“I’m cynical, Philip protested. “I don’t believe a word politicians say.”

“That’s not cynicism,” Sophie said. “That’s just common sense.”

“They lied!”

“Of course they lied. They’re politicians, it’s what they do.”

The thing is this, Tim; you’re eighteen, forever is about a month at your age.

“Bankers in pain,” Alan said. “Now there’s a happy thought.”

Having a famous father is a difficult concept for any child to understand. After all, he is just your father, nothing else, nothing exceptional.

Lost causes are the worst kind to fight.

Jeff hadn’t played croquet for twenty years. It was fun remembering all the dirty tricks. Anybody who believed that croquet was a civilized sport had clearly never played before.

It must be a sign of true age to think parties were a pain to be avoided at all costs.

Jesus, what planet do they import people like that from?

“Ladies,” Pamela raise her glass. “A toast.”

“A toast,” they agreed.

“Expensive shopping, older champagne, and younger men.”

I’ve got the worst time of my life ahead of me, and our wonderful medical establishment will stretch it out and out until I just scream for it to end.

When he thought about it, he wasn’t totally sure what kind of group he did want to be with on a permanent social basis. Late twenties, probably, or early thirties. Young enough not to be boring, old enough to have some wisdom.

But the thing is, you can never believe that anyone who looks so lovely can be anything other than lovely. Especially when it comes to women. I mean, that knowledge is hardwired into a man’s genes. Pretty equals nice. Jesus wept, did I ever learn the hard way. I’m not joking, Tim, Flaky Tracy turned out to be the ultimate bitch demon from hell. The only reason she was sent to roam the earth was because the devil got nervous when she was around down below.

Politicians, they’re all as bad as each other.

It didn’t matter that Nicole had made all the moves; sleeping with a friend’s granddaughter had to be pretty close to the top of all-time Bad Things.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“I think you’re supposed to. All my friends who talk native psychobabble say you should rationalize events back to their origin point so you can acknowledge their structural integration within your life flow.”

“Alison, that’s…that…such a load of crap.”

“I know that.”

We have been extraordinarily successful. As a result, only Europe is in a position to provide this treatment for its citizens. America, with its increasingly isolationist foreign policy and Religious Right cultural dominance, is a long way behind us in this field. Our unquestioned leadership in this field can only be seen as an endorsement of our social inclusiveness. Ours is the culture in which the promotion of human life can flourish to its full potential.

Well, I’ve grown up from that silly little girl, Jeff. I’ve learned how to be a full-fledged modern bitch, which is the only survival trait that counts in this world. I can swim with the sharks now, and they’ll be the ones who get scared when I’m in the water.

It was a struggle that had turned her into a minor media celebrity, and produced a great many supporters from across the political spectrum, all of them loud.

“Do I get her in the end, the princess?”

“Unless you’ve got a magic sword and a flying dragon that does smart-ass one-liners, not a snowflake’s chance in hell.”