Did you know where the ice house was? No Well, what did you think the hillock was? A hillock probably. — Minette Walters

Our reputation has obviously preceded us. Don't worry shaking hands with a lesbian is perfectly safe.

I have nothing against dykes Miss Cattrell, just wouldn't put my finger in one.

The only disabilities that idiot has are both in his trousers. He's a prick and an arsehole.

You've lived here for eight years, surely you must have explored the grounds.

Do I look like someone who takes exercise?

You're very slim.

Well, I eat very little, drink neat spirits and smoke like a chimney. It does wonders for the figure, but leaves me gasping for breath halfway up the stairs.