Joseph Heller

The God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt, and his only mission each time he went up was to come down alive.

Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likeable. In three days no one could stand him.

Outside the hospital the war was still going on. Men went mad and were rewarded with medals.

"Open your eyes, Clevinger. It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead."

"You know, that might be the answer — to act boastfully about something we ought to be ashamed of. That's a trick that never seems to fail."

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."

I get the willies when I see closed doors. Even at work, where I am doing so well now, the sight of a closed door is sometimes enough to make me dread that something horrible is happening behind it, something that is going to affect me adversely; if I am tired and dejected from a night of lies or booze or sex or just nerves and insomnia, I can almost smell the disaster mounting invisibly and flooding out toward me through the frosted glass panes. My hands may perspire, and my voice may come out strange. I wonder why.

Something must have happened to me sometime.

Waking up is such a peculiar and extraordinary process that I'm surprised we are able to manage it successfully so many times while we are still half asleep.

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.