Platitude — An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. — H.L. Mencken

Theology — An effort to explain the unknowable by putting it into terms of the not worth knowing.

Jury — A group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.