Warren Farrell

The best way to use these lists to replace anger with love in real life is to nurture each other by doing for your partner what your partner normally does for you.

Women are socialized to take advantage of four informal options for emotional support: husbands; womenfriends; children; and parents. Men are socialized to take advantage of only one of these informal options: their wife or womanfriend.

Listening is self-empowerment via the empowerment of others.

Killing the criticizer, then, is part of our evolutionary past; listening in response to criticism is part of our evolutionary future.

Sharing instructions about how to perform better for others is very different than sharing feelings about life experiences that make us happy or sad.

Helping men express feelings starts with understanding why men don’t express them.

It never occurs to most of us at a moment of disagreement with our partner to take the time to appreciate our partner’s positive character strengths as reflected in a stance we disagree with. When we do that, it allows our partner to know that no matter which decision she or he makes, our trust in their underlying character is never in question. It turns every disagreement into a potential gift of love.

The belief that men don’t need help is part of the problem.

All defensive responses to criticism are natural. (It is natural to think of our own perspective before someone else’s.)

During what years should a child be introduced to better ways of giving and receiving criticisms – to what I call “relationship language”? Before school age. The best teacher? Parents.

Becoming a human doing was exactly what society needed. But for an individual man, becoming a human doing was his undoing.

In order to connect and nurture, it is not just helpful to be in touch with feelings, it is necessary. So men’s first job – their next evolutionary strategy – involves being in touch with their feelings.