Quotes about humor

God never wrote a good play in His life.

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.

“He always said he would never take his own advice, because he knew it was worthless.”

My second wife had left me on the grounds that I was too pessimistic for an optimist to live with.

He reported his avocation as: "Being alive."He reported his principal occupation as: "Being dead."

[Hazel Crosby's] obsession with Hoosiers around the world was a textbook example of a false karass, of a seeming team that was meaningless in terms of the ways God gets things done, a textbook example of what Bokonon calls a granfalloon. Other examples are the Communist party, the Daughters of the American Revolution, the General Electric Company, the International Order of Odd Fellows - and any nation, anytime, anywhere.As Bokonon invites us to sing along with him:If you wish to study a granfalloon

Just remove the skin of a toy balloon.

"I had hoped, as a broadcaster, to be merely ludicrous, but this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought , so eager to believe and snarl and hate. So many people wanted to believe me!"

"What is the secret of life?" I asked."I forget," said Sandra."Protein," the bartender declared. "They found out something about protein.""Yeah," said Sandra, "that's it."

"Ah, God," says Bokonon, "what an ugly city every city is."

"It’s a small world," I observed."When you put it in a cemetery, it is."

Generally speaking, espionage offers each spy an opportunity to go crazy in a way he finds irresistible.

Son—they say there isn't any royalty in this country, but do you want me to tell you how to be king of the United States of America? Just fall through the hole in a privy and come out smelling like a rose.