Quotes about humor

Granny had nothing against fortune-telling provided it was done badly by people with no talent for it.

It wasn't a large village, and wouldn't have shown up on a map of the mountains. It barely showed up on a map of the village.

I'm surely going to regret this, she told herself, displaying considerable foresight.

'Well ... welcome. My house is your house', his brow suddenly furrowed and he looked worried, 'although only in a metaphorical sense, you understand, because I would not, much as I always admired your straightforward approach, and indeed your forthright stance, actually give you my house, it being the only house I have, and therefore the term is being extended in an, as it were, gratuitous fashion —'

The sign outside the shop said Apothecary, which meant that the shop was owned by a sort of early chemist, who would give you herbs and things until you got better or at least stopped getting any worse.

'I can't have your subjects throwing my family over the balcony, that would never do.'

'Good,' said Snibril.

'I'll do it myself.'

'Waiting is the worst part,' said Pismire.

'No it isn't,' said Owlglass, who wasn't even being trusted to hold a sword. 'I expect that having long sharp swords stuck in you is the worst part.'

'Stop that!' he shouted. 'You're soldiers! You're not supposed to fight!'

It is amazing how the young women flock about me now that I’m old and harmless. Where were they when I could have taken wicked advantage of their affection?

I shuddered at the thought of living in Florida, though, a place where six inches is a high elevation.

Mathematicians deal with large numbers sometimes, but never in their income.

“That’s an amusing thought, if you’ll consider it.”

“Do you find everything amusing?”

“Why not? As an attitude toward life, it’s an amusing one. It’s the only adjective that will fit. Observe the universe, young man. If you can’t force amusement out of it, you might as well cut your throat, since there’s damn little good in it.”