Quotes about humor

It is a matter of disillusion to young male Americans otherwise informed, to discover that the French are a moral people — judged, that is, by American country-club standards.

"Woman and women is two different things," said Suzy. "Guy knows all about women, he don't know nothing about a woman."

It was well known that Liza Hamilton and the Lord God held similar convictions on nearly every subject.

"When you argue with a child," she said warmly, "you give a good argument and the child says yah, yah! You understand him and he doesn't listen, so the child wins."

He didn't believe in psychiatrists, he said. But actually he did believe in them, so much that he was afraid of them.

Beans are a roof over your stomach. Beans are a warm cloak against economic cold.

It was a glorious game. Theft robbed of the stigma of theft, crime altruistically committed—what is more gratifying?

“It is worth while to be kind and generous,” he said. “Not only do such actions pile up a house of joy in Heaven; but there is, too, a quick reward here on earth. One feels a golden warmth glowing like a hot enchilada in one’s stomach.”

A traffic jam when you're already late,

A "No Smoking" sign on your cigarette break.

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife.And isn't it ironic?

Don't you think?

A little too ironic,

And yeah, I really do think.

Two gallons is a great deal of wine, even for two paisanos. Spiritually the jugs may be graduated thus: Just below the shoulder of the first bottle, serious and concentrated conversation. Two inches farther down, sweetly sad memory. Three inches more, thoughts of old and satisfactory loves. An inch, thoughts of bitter loves. Bottom of the first jug, general and undirected sadness. Shoulder of the second jug, black, unholy despondency. Two fingers down, a song of death or longing. A thumb, every other song each one knows. The graduations stop here, for the trail splits and there is no certainty. From this point on anything can happen.

I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

"Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible," she said, "but that alone doesn't make it true."