Quotes about humor

“So you've never had any urge to rule the world, or anything like that?”

“What, me?” Vanderdecker said. “No, I can't say I have. It would be nice to change some things, naturally.”

Jane leaned forward and looked serious. “Such as?”

Vanderdecker considered. “I don't know,” he said, “now you come to mention it. I can't actually think of anything that even remotely matters. You get such a wonderful sense of perspective at my age.”

"I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about clothing. I don't want to think about what I will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? Professional sports, perhaps. Grown men swatting little balls, while the rest of the world pays money to applaud. But, on the whole, I find fashion even more tedious than sports."

A pretty little collection of weaknesses and a terror of spiders are our indispensable stock-in-trade with the men... nine men out of ten are superstitious, nineteen out of twenty believe in the evil eye, and ninety-eight out of a hundred are afraid of spiders. They forgive us — oh! for many things, but not for the absence in us of their own feelings.

In the matter of furnishing, I find a certain absence of ugliness far worse than ugliness.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

It could be worse. I can’t think how right now, but I’m sure it could be worse.

Anyone who tries to predict the future is inevitably a fool. Present company included. A prophet without a sense of humor is just stupid.

“After all,” he muttered, “what can they do to shake the confidence of a fellow who’s got delusions of adequacy?”

You don’t have conversations with microprocessors. You tell them what to do, then helplessly watch the disaster when they take you literally!

Apparently, the Fates were not so unsubtle as to deal him another blow just yet. He knew they didn’t operate that way. They always let you hope for a while longer, then strung it out before they really let you have it.

I have on occasion remarked that I felt confident that I could persuade a millionaire on a Friday to subsidize a revolution for Saturday out of which he would make a huge profit on Sunday even though he was certain to be executed on Monday.

[T]he fifth rule: Ridicule is man's most potent weapon.