Quotes about humor

A gramme is better than a damn.

"Government's an affair of sitting, not hitting. You rule with the brains and the buttocks, never with the fists."

A gramme in time saves nine.

"Now you understand the Oriental passion for tea," said Japhy. "Remember that book I told you about; the first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy."

Only one thing I'll say for the people watching television, the millions and millions of the One Eye: they're not hurting anyone

‘Sure, baby, mañana.’ It was always mañana. For the next week that was all I heard - mañana, a lovely word and one that probably means heaven.

Girls are so queer you never know what they mean. They say no when they mean yes, and drive a man out of his wits just for the fun of it.

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

No people whose word for "yesterday" is the same as their word for "tomorrow" can be said to have a firm grip on the time.

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.

We are standing on a whale fishing for minnows.

“I did not say that the world was created twenty-three billion years ago; I said that was its age. It was created old. Created with fossils in the ground and craters on the moon, all speaking of great age. Created that way by Yahweh, because it amused Him to do so. One of those scientists said, ‘God does not roll dice with the universe.’ Unfortunately not true. Yahweh rolls loaded dice with His universe…to deceive His creatures.”

“Why would He do that?”

“Lucifer says that it is because He is a poor Artist, the sort who is always changing His mind and scraping the canvas. And a practical joker. But I’m really not entitled to an opinion; I’m not at that level. And Lucifer is prejudiced where His Brother is concerned; I think that is obvious.