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Quotes

  1. Many people now say that the poems are suddenly worthless. Others argue that they are exactly the same as they always were, so what's changed?

  2. "Well, you're obviously being totally naive of course", said the girl, "When you've been in marketing as long as I have, you'll know that before any new product can be developed it has to be properly researched. We’ve got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them."

    The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.

    "Stick it up your nose," he said.

    "Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know," insisted the girl, "Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?"

    "And the wheel," said the Captain, "What about this wheel thingy? It sounds a terribly interesting project."

    "Ah," said the marketing girl, "Well, we're having a little difficulty there."

    "Difficulty?" exclaimed Ford. "Difficulty? What do you mean, difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!"

    The marketing girl soured him with a look.

    "Alright, Mr. Wiseguy," she said, "if you're so clever, you tell us what colour it should be."

  3. "If," ["the management consultant"] said tersely, "we could for a moment move on to the subject of fiscal policy..."

    "Fiscal policy!" whooped Ford Prefect. “Fiscal policy!"

    The management consultant gave him a look that only a lungfish could have copied.

    "Fiscal policy..." he repeated, "that is what I said."

    "How can you have money," demanded Ford, "if none of you actually produces anything? It doesn't grow on trees you know."

    "If you would allow me to continue.. ."

    Ford nodded dejectedly.

    "Thank you. Since we decided a few weeks ago to adopt the leaf as legal tender, we have, of course, all become immensely rich."

    Ford stared in disbelief at the crowd who were murmuring appreciatively at this and greedily fingering the wads of leaves with which their track suits were stuffed.

    “But we have also,” continued the management consultant, “run into a small inflation problem on account of the high level of leaf availability, which means that, I gather, the current going rate has something like three deciduous forests buying one ship's peanut."

    Murmurs of alarm came from the crowd. The management consultant waved them down.

    "So in order to obviate this problem," he continued, "and effectively revalue the leaf, we are about to embark on a massive defoliation campaign, and...er, burn down all the forests. I think you'll all agree that's a sensible move under the circumstances."

    The crowd seemed a little uncertain about this for a second or two until someone pointed out how much this would increase the value of the leaves in their pockets whereupon they let out whoops of delight and gave the management consultant a standing ovation. The accountants among them looked forward to a profitable autumn aloft and it got an appreciative round from the crowd.

  4. The alien ship was already thundering toward the upper reaches of the atmosphere, on its way out into the appalling void that separates the very few things there are in the Universe from one another.

  5. Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged was - indeed, is - one of the Universe's very small number of immortal beings. [...]

  6. "My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first." —Marvin

  7. They obstinately persisted in their absence.

  8. "I have detected," he said, "disturbances in the wash." ...

    "The wash?" said Arthur.

    "The space-time wash," said Ford. ...

    Arthur nodded, and then cleared his throat. "Are we talking about," he asked cautiously, "some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?"

    "Eddies," said Ford, "in the space-time continuum."

    "Ah," nodded Arthur, "is he? Is he?" He pushed his hands into the pocket of his dressing gown and looked knowledgeably into the distance.

    "What?" said Ford.

    "Er, who," said Arthur, "is Eddy, then, exactly, then?"

  9. The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of Arthur Dent waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

  10. the third non-absolute number is the number on the bill, (and how many people actually have the money to pay it)

  11. There is, or was, a poet. His name was Lallafa, and he wrote what are widely regarded throughout the Galaxy as the finest poems in existence, the Songs of the Long Land.

  12. There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there is the possibility of magic. Creation holds its breath.

    The moment passed as it regularly did on Sqornshellous Zeta, without incident.