Fool

Quotes

1. King Lear: How hath my fool offended?

   Regan: He hath shagged me roughly, against my will, and finished too soon.

   King Lear: By force- Pocket? He isn't eight-stone on a feast day- he couldn't shag a cat by force.

   Pocket: That's not true, sire. If the cat is distracted with a trout, then - well, uh, never mind.

2. 

   King Lear: What is your name?

   Kent / Caius: Caius.

   King Lear: And whence do you hale?

   Kent / Caius: From Bonking, Sire.

   King Lear: Well, yes, lad as do we all.

3. 

   Cordelia: You honor us, Fool. Did you hear rumors of small animals to hurt or were you hoping to accidentally surprise me in my bath again?

   Pocket: I was lost, Milady.

   Cordelia: A dozen times?

4. 

   And so that is the story of how St. Rufus of Pipewrench was licked to death by marmots.

5. 

   Gentle spook, if it is a warning you bring, state it true. If action you require, ask outright. If music you must make, play on- but by the wine-stained balls of Bacchus, speak your bloody business quick and clear and then be gone, before Time's iron tongue licks away my mercy bonk with second thoughts!

6. 

   Mary: You can read?

   Pocket: I was raised in a nunnery, wench. I'm a walking library of learning bound in comely leather, suitable for stroking at your service, should you fancy a bit of culture to go with your lack of breeding...or vice verse of course.

7. 

   Fancy a spot of stony bonking before vespers?

8. 

   Regan: Smell him. He reeks of sex, like fish and mushroom and sweat, doesn't he?

   Pocket: Aye, your honor, I'm sure I have an odor about me. I must confess, I was sans trou today in the kitchen, while awaiting my laundry. Bubble had left a casserole out on the floor to cool, and it did trip me and I fell prick-deep in gravy and goo- but I was on my way to chapel at the time.

   King Lear: [To Pocket] You put your dick in my lunch?

   King Lear: [to the bailiff] The fool put his dick in my lunch?

   Regan: No, in your beloved daughter.

   King Lear: Quiet, girl! Captain Curran, send a guard to watch the bread and the cheese before the fool has his way with it.

9. 

   I fink I gots deaf on me willie.

10. 

    And once I shagged Regan on a platter of pork in front of Muslims.

11. 

    She's a bloody vision of loveliness.

12. 

    Said I, in perfect fucking French.

13. 

    Pocket: Do you know that there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent?

    Kent: Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves.

    Pocket: Well, that's a scratchy spot of cat wank. But bloody well said.

14. 

    The Ghost: I'm sorry to haunt you while you're rogering the help.

    Pocket: The rogering has not commenced, wisp. I have barely bridled the horse for a moist and bawdy ride. Now, go away!

15. 

    Heinous fuckery most foul!

That’s all the quotes.

15 quotes in the collection · come back when we add more