Warren Farrell

Killing the criticizer, then, is part of our evolutionary past; listening in response to criticism is part of our evolutionary future.

The motto of feminists: “There is never an excuse for hitting a woman.” Shouldn’t it be, “There is never an excuse for hitting.”?

Sharing instructions about how to perform better for others is very different than sharing feelings about life experiences that make us happy or sad.

Helping men express feelings starts with understanding why men don’t express them.

It never occurs to most of us at a moment of disagreement with our partner to take the time to appreciate our partner’s positive character strengths as reflected in a stance we disagree with. When we do that, it allows our partner to know that no matter which decision she or he makes, our trust in their underlying character is never in question. It turns every disagreement into a potential gift of love.

The belief that men don’t need help is part of the problem.

All defensive responses to criticism are natural. (It is natural to think of our own perspective before someone else’s.)

In the future, women will increasingly want men who can nurture them and connect with them.

During what years should a child be introduced to better ways of giving and receiving criticisms – to what I call “relationship language”? Before school age. The best teacher? Parents.

A woman living with her mother has limited freedom; a man living with his mother has limited freedom and limited respect. For most men, the vacuum (of no support system) is so devastating, they’d rather agree with their wife than express their feelings and risk emotional withdrawal.

Becoming a human doing was exactly what society needed. But for an individual man, becoming a human doing was his undoing.

If we taught men to repress feelings and rewarded him instead for being a captain he might be willing to die to protect us; if we paid him enough to feed his family if he worked in a coal mine, he might be willing to die sooner to keep us warm. But all that required him to forfeit his feelings – his power as a human being – and substitute it for “power” as a human doing: feeling obligated to earn money someone else spent while he died sooner.