Quotes about humor

He read at wine, he read in bed, He read aloud, had he the breath, His every thought was with the dead, And so he read himself to death.

ROSALIND: Mother, I never think about money.

MRS. CONNAGE: You never keep it long enough to think about it.

You're a historian. Tell me if there are any bath-tubs in history. I think they've been frightfully neglected.

"Jelly-bean" is the name throughout the undissolved Confederacy for one who spends his life conjugating the verb to idle in the first person singular — I am idling, I have idled, I will idle.

“The truth is that the public has done one of those startling and amazing things that they do about once in a hundred years. They’ve seized an idea.”

“What is it?”

“That however the brains and abilities of men may differ, their stomachs are essentially the same.”

A big man has no time really to do anything but just sit and be big.

I stepped out of the car on the rat king's arm, like a trophy wife--except for the wrist sheaths and the two folding knives hidden in my clothing. Somehow I think trophy wives wear more makeup and less cutlery. But, Hey, I haven't met a trophy wife, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives.

I'm all the more in need of good advice, since I can’t actually conceive of needing any.

I hate to waste a really good threat.

Please don't disillusion me. I haven't had breakfast yet.

Life is a suicide mission.

"A male does his best, reproductively, if he wanders and copulates as widely as possible." "I’ve done the wandering. Somehow I missed out on the copulating."