Quotes about humor

Andy Warhol was wrong. In the future people won't be famous for fifteen minutes. No, in the future, everyone will sit next to someone famous for at least fifteen minutes.

Not everyone enjoys baseball or even fishing, but every person is obsessed with himself. You're your own favorite hobby.

One of my teachers told me I was a nihilist. He meant it as an insult but I took it as a compliment.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.

You must not judge people by their country. In South America, it is always wise to judge people by their altitude.

I hate relativism. I hate relativism more than I hate anything else, excepting, maybe, fiberglass powerboats... surely, surely, no one but a relativist would drive a fiberglass powerboat.

Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips. So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are. (p. 99)

I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. But now I think the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world.

In my experience, the best way to deal with such people is to politely agree with everything they say, then ignore them.

You know there’s no advantage to be gained by murdering idiots—it doesn’t teach the idiot anything and it might give onlookers the idea that you take them seriously.

“Bad day at the office?”

“It’s always a bad day at the office, insofar as the office exists in the first place.”

“You have an evil mind!”

“And this is a bad thing how, exactly?”