Quotes about humor

Once I establish credit, I may be able to function. A man needs credit. Especially when he has no money.

In a scene where nobody with any ambition is really what he appears to be, there’s not much risk in acting like a king-hell freak.

You'd better take care of me, Lord...because if you don't you're going to have me on your hands.

This is not a good town for psychedelic drugs. Reality itself is too twisted.

Agnew was right. The press is a gang of cruel faggots. Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catch-all for fuckoffs and misfits—a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector, but just deep enough for a wino to curl up from the sidewalk and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas. To relax, as it were, in the womb of the desert sun. Just roll the roof back and screw it on, grease the face with white tanning butter and move out with the music at top volume, and at least a pint of ether.

I once heard Susan Sontag, in conversation with Umberto Eco, define the polymath as one “who is interested in everything, and in nothing else.”

I have been "in denial" for some time, knowingly burning the candle at both ends and finding that it often gives a lovely light.

If I convert it's because it's better that a believer dies than that an atheist does.

In whatever kind of a "race" life may be, I have very abruptly become a finalist.

...those who say I am being punished are saying that god can't think of anything more vengeful than cancer for a heavy smoker.

I may be called upon to address the company. No one will listen, of course, which is just as well, since I have nothing to say.