# Holidays in Hell - Author: [P.J. O'Rourke](https://www.leafyquotes.com/pj-orourke.md) - Quotes: 30 - Book page: https://www.leafyquotes.com/pj-orourke/holidays-in-hell ## Quotes > The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Earnestness is just stupidity sent to college. Topics: [stupidity](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/stupidity.md) > In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailing-boat equipment, the gin and tonic. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule. Topics: [death](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/death.md) > There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > I am no stranger to loud noise. I've been to a Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels concert. I once dated a woman with two kids. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with. Topics: [religion](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/religion.md) > Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please. > Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof. Topics: [society](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/society.md) > I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners— two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime. Topics: [war](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/war.md) > Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze. Topics: [politics](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/politics.md) > Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians. > I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books. Topics: [truth](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/truth.md) > The most extraordinary change in Moscow was Arbat Street, the USSR's first pedestrian mall. Of course, there's something a little sad about a pedestrian mall in a nation where few people own cars— the whole damn country's a pedestrian mall. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The Italians have had two thousand years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborghini to the Grand Prix track to watch the charter buses race. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md), [travel](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/travel.md) > The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with. Topics: [change](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/change.md) > One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes. Topics: [death](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/death.md) > War will exist as long as there's a food chain. Topics: [war](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/war.md) > The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners'. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > There are probably more fact-finding tours of Nicaragua right now than there are facts— the country has shortages of practically everything. > Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport— two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college. Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Some people are worried about the difference between right and wrong. I'm worried about the difference between wrong and fun. Topics: [morality](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/morality.md) > They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, "the Irish of Asia".