... "someone tried to assasinate Lenin with a revolver. That is our (Russia's) great national sport, you see." — P.G. Wodehouse

[Millionaire-financier Vincent Jopp said:] "Go out and buy me a set of clubs, a red jacket, a cloth cap, a pair of spiked shoes, and a ball."

--"One ball?"

"Certainly. What need is there of more?"

--"It sometimes happens," I explained, "that a player who is learning the game fails to hit the ball straight, and then he often loses it in the rough at the side of the fairway."

"Absurd!" said Vincent Jopp. "If I set out to drive my ball straight, I shall drive it straight."

... Vladimir Brusiloff proceeded to sum up. "No novelists any good except me. Sovietski--yah! Nastikoff--bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me."

"What I want to know is what a fellow does when he plays golf. Tell me in as few words as you can just what it's all about."

--"You hit a ball with a stick until it falls into a hole."