This lady's suin' everybody in the whole friggin' county! She's like-- she's like, "My husband got his leg… — Larry the Cable Guy
This lady's suin' everybody in the whole friggin' county! She's like-- she's like, "My husband got his leg bit by a shark and no one jumped in and saved him!" No shit, lady! It's a friggin' shark! Get off your fat ass and save him! That's jus' like asking a retard to go out and beat up Jackie Chan! Well, the waterhead's gonna get his ass kicked! I tell ya, put that shark out in the parking lot of Walmart, I'll kick the shit outa him! I'll beat him silly all day long!
Source: Wikiquote · CC BY-SA 4.0
More from this book
Then there's a feller who got hit by a train! How the - how the heck do y'get hit by a train! I mean it's not like it'll jump up and attack ya at the last minute or nothin'! There's, like, a railroad there to give ya, y'know, a heads up sign! I tell ya, if you ever gonna get hit by a train, do this: [steps to side] TA-DA! There ya go! Attaboy!
[M]y buddy Ron (Tater Salad) White talks about drinking my dip cup accidentally to swallow some aspirin. I was there when it happened and laughed my ass off. Was he amused? Of course not, but since it wasn't me drinkin' week-old Skoal spit it was downright comical! (p. 230).
Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games! (p. 197).
