# SOMETHING HAPPENED - Author: [Joseph Heller](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller.md) - Quotes: 24 - Book page: https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened ## Quotes > I get the willies when I see closed doors. Even at work, where I am doing so well now, the sight of a closed door is sometimes enough to make me dread that something horrible is happening behind it, something that is going to affect me adversely; if I am tired and dejected from a night of lies or booze or sex or just nerves and insomnia, I can almost smell the disaster mounting invisibly and flooding out toward me through the frosted glass panes. My hands may perspire, and my voice may come out strange. I wonder why. > > Something must have happened to me sometime. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-get-the.md) > Women my wife's age with broken marriages take up robustly with fellows much younger than themselves, sometimes boys, and their husbands don't like that part of it at all. (It's a means they have of really sticking it to us. The husbands can do without the money and kids. But they can't abide their wives' humping a younger dick and letting everyone know.) [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/women-my-wifes.md) > Waking up is such a peculiar and extraordinary process that I'm surprised we are able to manage it successfully so many times while we are still half asleep. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/waking-up-is-such.md) > When I grow up I want to be a little boy. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/when-i-grow.md) > I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-want-to-keep.md) > Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.) [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/everything-passes-thats.md) > I do know that girls in their early twenties are easy and sweet. (Girls in their late twenties are easier but sad, and that isn't so sweet.) They are easy, I think, because they are sweet, and they are sweet, I think, because they are dumb. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-do-know.md) > Sometimes when I'm asleep, I try to wake up and can't. Sleep has me in its grip, and that is my dream. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/sometimes-when-im-asleep.md) > Sundays are deadly. > > Spare time is ruinous. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/sundays-are-deadly.md) > I asked for me. > > I was not there either. > > (I had never done that before.) > > It made me sad to hear that. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-asked-for.md) > But better wet and smelly, for my taste, than dry and perfumed. I hate those artificial, candy-store scents. I want to embrace human flesh with musky, natural odors, not a bar of soap. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/but-better-wet.md) > I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-think-that.md) > In my middle years, I have exchanged the position of the fetus for the position of a corpse. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/in-my-middle.md) > ...if you asked any one of them if he would choose to spend the rest of his life working for the company, he would give you a resounding No!, regardless of what inducements were offered. I was that high once. If you asked me that same question today, I would also give you a resounding No! and add: > > "I think I'd rather die now." > > But I am making no plans to leave. > > I have the feeling now that there is no place left for me to go. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/if-you-asked.md) > No one understands that carrying on bravely was the easiest thing to do. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/no-one-understands.md) > I don't know what else one can do with a hole in one except talk about it. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-dont-know.md) > Because Andy Kagle is good to me and doesn't scare me any longer, I despise him a little bit too. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/because-andy-kagle.md) > I want my little boy back too. > > I don't want to lose him. > > I do. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-want-my-little.md) > Women don't suffer from penis envy. Men do. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/women-dont-suffer.md) > Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/something-did-happen.md) > It's a real problem to decide whether it's more boring to do something boring than to pass along everything boring that comes in to somebody else and then have nothing to do at all. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/its-a-real.md) > Yesterday, I helped a blind man across the street and was surprised that I did not feel revolted when I took his arm. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/yesterday-i-helped.md) > The years are too short, the days are too long. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/the-years-are.md) > I think I'm in terrible trouble. I think I've committed a crime. The victims have always been children. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/joseph-heller/something-happened/i-think-im-in-terrible.md)