Once you've been with each other in a primal, shagging state, it's hard to talk about the weather. — Irvine Welsh

Ah jist shrugged, -- Well, as one anarchist plumber sais tae the other: smash the cistern.

Bad luck is usually transmitted by close proximity to habitual sufferers.

There's nothing worse than a violent beating from an unremarkable person. Physical violence with someone is too much like shagging them. Too much id involved.