# Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - Author: [Douglas Adams](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams.md) - Quotes: 18 - Book page: https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency ## Quotes > This time there would be no witnesses. p. 1 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/this-time-there.md) > WFT-II was the only British software company that could be mentioned in the same sentence as such major U.S. companies as Microsoft or Lotus. The sentence would probably run along the lines of "WFT-II, unlike such major U.S. companies as Microsoft or Lotus ..." but it was a start. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/wft-ii-was-the.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/the-seat-received.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. It had never heard of Salt Lake City, of course. Nor had it ever heard of a quingigillion, which was roughly the number of miles between this valley and the Great Salt Lake of Utah. p. 5 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/unfortunately-this-electric.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > And time began seriously to pass. p. 3 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/and-time-began.md) Topics: [time](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/time.md), [transience](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/transience.md) > He instituted this, er, Chair of Chronology to see if there was any particular reason why one thing happened after another and if there was any way of stopping it. Since the answers to the three questions were, I knew immediately, yes, no, and maybe, I realised I could then take the rest of my career off. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/he-instituted-this.md) Topics: [time](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/time.md) > Or maybe she decided that an evening with your old tutor would be blisteringly dull and opted for the more exhilarating course of washing her hair instead. Dear me, I know what I would have done. It's only lack of hair that forces me to pursue such a hectic social round these days. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/or-maybe-she.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The Electric Monk was a labor-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking at it yourself; Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe. p. 4 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/the-electric-monk.md) Topics: [faith](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/faith.md) > It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever. p. 6 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/it-is-difficult.md) > "Sir Isaac Newton, renowned inventor of the milled-edge coin and the catflap!" > > "The what?" said Richard. > > "The catflap! A device of the utmost cunning, perspicuity and invention. It is a door within a door, you see, a ..." > > "Yes," said Richard, "there was also the small matter of gravity." > > "Gravity," said Dirk with a slightly dismissive shrug, "yes, there was that as well, I suppose. Though that, of course, was merely a discovery. It was there to be discovered." … > > "You see?" he said dropping his cigarette butt, "They even keep it on at weekends. Someone was bound to notice sooner or later. But the catflap … ah, there is a very different matter. Invention, pure creative invention. It is a door within a door, you see." [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/sir-isaac-newton.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > If the Universe came to an end every time there was some uncertainty about what had happened in it, it would never have got beyond the first picosecond. And many of course don’t. It’s like a human body, you see. A few cuts and bruises here and there don’t hurt it. Not even major surgery if it’s done properly. Paradoxes are just the scar tissue. Time and space heal themselves up around them and people simply remember a version of events which makes as much sense as they require it to make. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/if-the-universe.md) Topics: [time](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/time.md) > This was the evening of the last day of Gordon Way's life … The weather forecast hadn't mentioned that, of course, that wasn't the job of the weather forecast, but then his horoscope had been pretty misleading as well. It had mentioned an unusual amount of planetary activity in his sign and had urged him to differentiate between what he thought he wanted and what he actually needed, and suggested that he should tackle emotional or work problems with determination and complete honesty, but had inexplicably failed to mention that he would be dead before the day was out. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/this-was-the.md) Topics: [death](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/death.md) > And that, apart from a flurry of sensational newspaper reports which exposed him as a fraud, then trumpeted him as the real thing so that they could have another round of exposing him as a fraud again and then trumpeting him as the real thing again, until they got bored and found a nice juicy snooker player to harass instead, was that. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/and-that-apart.md) > If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/if-it-looks.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? > > "It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils," came a low growl from somewhere on the table, "without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy." [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/the-teacher-usually.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/let-us-think.md) > The door was the way to... to... The Door was The Way. Good. Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/the-door-was.md) Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md) > "What really is the point of trying to teach anything to anybody?" > > This question seemed to provoke a murmur of sympathetic approval from up and down the table. > > Richard continued, "What I mean is that if you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that's really the essence of programming. By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've learned something about it yourself." [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/douglas-adams/dirk-gentlys-holistic-detective-agency/what-really-is-the.md) Topics: [science](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/science.md), [knowledge](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/knowledge.md)