# David Sedaris

- Quotes: 70
- Author page: https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris

## Books

- [Barrel Fever](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/barrel-fever.md) — 5 quotes
- [Calypso](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/calypso.md) — 7 quotes
- [Dress Your Family In Corduroy And Denim](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/dress-your-family-in-corduroy-and-denim.md) — 17 quotes
- [Me Talk Pretty One Day](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/me-talk-pretty-one-day.md) — 12 quotes
- [Naked](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/naked.md) — 7 quotes
- [Theft by Finding](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/theft-by-finding.md) — 21 quotes
- [When You Are Engulfed In Flames](https://www.leafyquotes.com/david-sedaris/when-you-are-engulfed-in-flames.md) — 1 quote

## Recently added quotes

> "Stay safe," a Starbucks employee said to me one morning. I was in a hurry to get to my gate, so didn't stop to ask, "Safe from what?"

p. 106

> Increasingly at Southern airports, instead of a "good-bye" or "thank-you," cashiers are apt to say, "Have a blessed day." This can make you feel like you've been sprayed against your will with God cologne. "Get off me!" I always want to scream. "Quick, before I start wearing ties with short-sleeved shirts!"
>
> As a business traveller, you'll likely be met at your destination by someone who asks, "So, how was your flight?" This, as if there are interesting variations and you might answer, "The live orchestra was a nice touch," or "The first half was great, but then they let a baby take over the controls and it got all bumpy." In fact, there are only two kinds of flights: ones in which you die and ones in which you do not.

p. 96

> Honestly, though, does choice ever come into it? Is it my fault that the good times fade to nothing while the bad ones burn forever bright? Memory aside, the negative just makes for a better story: the plane was delayed, an infection set in, outlaws arrived and reduced the schoolhouse to ashes. Happiness is harder to put into words. It's also harder to source, much more mysterious than anger or sorrow, which come to me promptly, whenever I summon them, and remain long after I've begged them to leave.

p. 90

> After the desk clerk hands you your key, the bellman will grab your suitcase and ask, "So where are you coming in from today?" Like everyone else at the hotel, he doesn't really listen to your answer. His words are just a hook to hang a tip on. You could say you're from a town ten miles down the road or from another dimension. Either way, you get the same response: "You're a long way from home, aren't you?"

p. 97

> Whenever I see a young woman boarding a plane in her pyjamas, or a guy in a T-shirt that reads your hole is my goal, I always wonder what Mom would think.

p. 200

> Should you wander into a shop during your visit to the United States, you can expect a clerk to ask, "So what are we up to today?" "We," as if the two of you had made plans you forgot about.
>
> "Oh," I usually say, already sorry I walked in, "I'm just looking around."
>
> "Awesome."
>
> If you purchase something, you'll be asked at the register what you're going to do with the rest of your afternoon.
>
> "Umm, I don't know. Buy more shit?"

p. 100

> The following morning you'll wander to the hotel breakfast room and tell the hostess that there is only one in your party. She'll pick up a menu and lead you to your table, asking, "And how is your day going so far?"
>
> "You mean the last twelve minutes?" you'll ask. "OK, I guess."
>
> And she'll say, "Awesome."

p. 98

> The inevitable finally happened, just as I knew it would.

p. 387

> Someone stopped Mitch on the street last night and said, "I need another seventy-five cents so I can buy a cheeseburger. How about helping me?"
>
> Mitch said, "Get it without the cheese," and continued walking.

p. 317

> Later I went to the design school and saw Kumar and Melamid, the Soviet dissident artists, who are funny. I sold them my soul for $1.

p. 52

> Amy, Tiffany and I sat in the kitchen and talked until three thirty this morning. One of the things we laughed about was an old episode of The Newlywed Game. The host asked the wives, "What's the most exotic place you've ever made love?" He was likely expecting "The kitchen" or "On a tennis court at night," but one woman didn't quite understand the question and answered, "In the butt."

p. 119

> It's fun to see where people live.

p. 29