# Quote — Dave Barry, I'll Mature When I'm Dead

> I have, over the years, received in the mail approximately 17 million manuscripts from people whose goal is to become professional writers. They want me to discover them, encourage them, mentor them, find them an agent, etc. Some of these people have talent; some of them have actually become professional writers. But a great many of them will never become professional writers, because- follow me closely here- they are not good at writing. Of course I don't tell them that. Probably nobody will ever tell them that. They will continue to try and fail, and in the end they'll be bitter, like the early-round contestants on American Idol who think they got booted because Simon Cowell is mean, rather than because their singing sounds like a bull being castrated with a hockey stick. These contestants humiliated themselves on national TV because when they were growing up, loving to sing, always singing around the house, no thoughtful family member or caring friend ever had the kindness to put a hand on their shoulder and say, in a gentle and loving voice, "You suck." They needed Simon Cowells, but instead they were surrounded by Randy Jacksons and Paula Abduls, trying to be nice, not wanting to hurt their feelings, and thus setting them up for failure.

- Author: [Dave Barry](https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry.md)
- Book: [I'll Mature When I'm Dead](https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry/ill-mature-when-im-dead.md)
- Page: 240
- Source: [Wikiquote](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dave_Barry#I'll_Mature_When_I'm_Dead_(2010)) ([CC BY-SA 4.0](https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/))
- Topics: [writing](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/writing.md), [talent](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/talent.md), [honesty](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/honesty.md)
- Quote page: https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry/ill-mature-when-im-dead/i-have-over

## More from this book

> I think that parents- not all of them, but a lot of them- are sucking the fun out of kids' sports. They're making it clear to their kids that they think sports is about winning, and only winning. This is a reasonable value to instill if you honestly believe your child is going to become a professional athlete. But you need to remember two things: 1. Your child is not, in fact, going to become a professional athlete. 2. There are more important things in life than winning. Such as not being a jerk.

p. 244 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry/ill-mature-when-im-dead/i-think-that.md)

> If Man A asks Man B for directions, Man B, realizing that Man A is a weak, direction-asking type of male who probably also reads owner's manuals, could decide to attack Man A's village and plunder his women. Man A is not about to run that type of risk.

p. 27 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry/ill-mature-when-im-dead/if-man-a-asks.md)

> Two invasive species in particular have caused serious concern: Burmese pythons, and New Yorkers. The New Yorkers have been coming for years, which is weird because pretty much all they do once they get to Florida is bitch about how everything here sucks compared to the earthly paradise that is New York. They continue to root, loudly, for the Jets, the Knicks, the Mets, and the Yankees; they never stop declaring, loudly, that in New York the restaurants are better, the stores are nicer, the people are smarter, the public transportation is free of sharks, etc. The Burmese pythons are less obnoxious, but just as alarming in their own way. These are snakes that started out as pets of Miami residents, until one day these residents stopped smoking crack and said, "Jesus H. Christ! We're living with a giant snake!"

p. 84 — [Quote page](https://www.leafyquotes.com/dave-barry/ill-mature-when-im-dead/two-invasive-species.md)

Topics: [humor](https://www.leafyquotes.com/topics/humor.md)